


In Which Hal Is Nosy And Hal Jr Gets A Boyfriend

by UnhelpfulPanda



Series: Stridercest Week [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Android Lil Hal, Android Lil Hal Junior, Android Lil Seb, Androids, Fluff, M/M, Rare Pairings, Stridercest - Freeform, Stridercest Week, also they are robots so their age is kinda irrelevant???, its not realistic but fuck you, junior calls hal his dad and hal gets confused, may be considered underage but its just fluff so it doesnt really matter, seb/hal jr, they all have super advanced android bodies that are extremely humanlike
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 22:13:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9348686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnhelpfulPanda/pseuds/UnhelpfulPanda
Summary: Lil Seb begs Hal to make a body for Hal Jr (and the ability to say more than 4 words), but when pressed for the reason why, his lips are sealed. Hal is a nosy prick and decides to find out the answer himself, by hacking into Dirk's surveillance cameras to spy on them.(I'm terrible at titles. Stridercest week day 1 fic)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Seb/Lil Hal Jr 
> 
> for Stridercest Week Day 1, my favorite Stridercest rarepair!
> 
> I'm bad at titles, if you want to suggest a better title then i encourage you to!

            _Tug tug_.

            “I’m busy, leave a message at the beep,” Hal muttered, not bothering to look up from the code he was working on at whoever was tugging at the bottom of his hoodie.

            “You didn’t even beep,” Seb finally spoke up, a pout clear in his tone of voice.

            “Yeah, because I don’t really want you to leave a message,” Hal snorted. A long drawn out silence led him to believe he was alone again, but as soon as he relaxed…

            _Tug tug tug_.

            “Why don’t you play with one of the other bots, Seb?” Hal suggested dismissively. “Or play video games with Hal Jr.? He likes playing Minecraft with you.”

            “Junior can’t really keep a conversation. You didn’t program him with much of a vocabulary, you know,” Seb reminded him.

            Hal made a mistake in his coding and sighed impatiently. This was so much easier when he was just a program. Not that he’d ever want to go back; he preferred his android body over the void of being a program. Still, it had been much easier then to code. Not to mention it was so easy to avoid certain _irritations_.

            “If you fuck off and let me finish this coding, I’ll go upgrade his program. Is that acceptable?” Hal offered, failing to mask his annoyance.

            “I was thinking of a different type of upgrade. A more…tangible one,” Seb replied hesitantly.

            “What, you want me to put his program in a pair of shades or something?” Hal commented, finally glancing at Seb. He didn’t really wear his shades very much, not since Dirk upgraded him from the bunny chassis into a realistic android body like yours. Hal had just gotten used to Seb’s tiny but humanlike appearance and his voice box, though his voice still had that robotic echo to it that Dirk was _supposed_ to have fixed.

            Seb was squirming anxiously, his blue eyes avoiding Hal’s face. “No, I, um, I was actually thinking about… a body? Like mine?” he answered uncertainly. Hal’s hand slipped in surprise, ruining a sizable chunk of his code. He turned fully to face the small android.

            “You want me to _what_?” Hal asked, incredulous. Seb crossed his arms defensively.

            “I want you to make a body like mine for Hal Jr.,” he repeated, request sounding bolder this time.

            “Yeah, that’s what I thought you said. But why come to me? Why not go to Dirk? He made both my body and yours. I mean, I made adjustments to mine, but I haven’t actually made a full body from scratch?” Hal frowned.

            “Well, Junior’s coding belongs to you, not Dirk. He is _Hal Junior_ , right?” Seb explained. “Can you do it or can’t you?” he demanded.

            “Why do you want Junior to have a body like yours? And I assume you’ll want him to be able to carry a regular conversation, too. What you need him for that requires tangibility?” Hal inquired.

            At this, Seb’s face flushed. “It’s none of your business!” he snapped, fidgeting and obviously flustered. Hal smirked, always enjoying a chance to torment others. And Seb was like a little brother to him, so that made everything much more satisfying.

            “Well, like you said. He _is_ Hal _Junior_ , remember?” he prompted. Seb groaned in frustration. “Just tell me what you want a body for Junior for and I’ll leave you alone!” Hal encouraged, smiling in an attempt to disarm the tiny boy.

            Seb had lived with Hal for long enough to know his ways, however. “No you won’t, you’ll take every chance to torture me with the info and you know it,” he glared. Hal shrugged, not really able to deny such a claim. Seb _was_ speaking from experience, after all.

            “I can’t make Junior’s body without knowing what you plan to do with said body… I don’t want you to corrupt him, you know? He’s practically my son…” he spoke solemnly, though the slight smirk on his lips betrayed his true intentions.

            “Fuck you, shitscrambler!” Seb snarled, shoving his middle finger in Hal’s face for emphasis. Hal withdrew, lips curled in displeasure.

            “Fine, be a little shit about it. I just won’t make his body at all if you’re gonna be so rude to me!” Hal sneered, going back to fix the code he had been working on before Seb’s interruption.

            “Haaaaaaaaaal.”

            “I’m not gonna talk to bratty shitheads who don’t appreciate what I do around here,” he huffed.

            _Tug tug tug tug tug tug_.

            “ _No_ , Sebastian,” Hal repeated more firmly this time, shoving Seb’s hands away from him with one hand.

            _Tug tug tug tug tug tug tug tug tug tug_ -

            “SEB! Fucking stop!” Hal snapped, slamming his hands down on his desk. Glowing red eyes met shining blue. They glared at each other for a moment before Hal turned back to his code. “You can’t bully me into doing whatever you want just because you said, Seb, you have to actu-” Hal’s coding disappeared; his screen going black as his computer’s power went out. His jaw dropped, and he turned to Seb. “You didn’t.”

            Seb waved the unplugged cord to Hal’s computer in his hand, and he dropped it like it was a microphone, as if to prove a point.

            A second later, Seb was running down the hall at full speed with Hal chasing after him, screaming, “SEBASTIAN YOU ABSOLUTE DICK I’M GOING TO FUCKING DESTROY YOU!!!!!!! I DIDN’T SAVE MY CODE!!!!!!”

            Dirk sighed as the screaming went past his bedroom door. He set down his tablet and pen and grudgingly went to stop his androids from committing technocide.

 

            Despite what Seb had done, Dirk had convinced Hal to make Hal Junior a body, anyways. “Seb doesn’t really have anyone around here his size, you know? He’s probably just lonely and too embarrassed to say so,” Dirk had explained. Hal was still pissed, but unfortunately Dirk was probably right.

            God, he _hated_ when Dirk was right.

           So Hal downloaded the specs on Seb from Dirk and began to modify him. Obviously, he wanted Junior to look mostly like him. He decided on a whim to use black synthetic hair instead of his white hair or Dirk’s blonde. He couldn’t decide on his red eyes or the orange of Dirk (and Junior’s) pesterchum text, so he went with a nice red-orange mix.

            (“Blood orange?” Dirk had commented.

            “‘ _Blood orange’_ ; you’re so pretentious. [Shut up, its fucking red](http://scorpioprince.tumblr.com/post/155939912068),” Hal had fired back almost on instinct.)

            Based on Dirk’s notes on making humanlike androids, Hal’s body had taken Dirk six months to perfect, and Seb’s had taken three months. Hal was proud to say Hal Junior’s body only took a month for him to complete.

            Hal hadn’t told Seb he was working on the body, but when he was finally done and showed the small boy, he had gotten a squeal and a huge hug. Seb’s happy reaction was almost a better reward than getting to one-up Dirk on something. _Almost_.

            Hal shot Junior a quick message before the transfer, just to prepare him. Dirk hadn’t told Hal when he transferred him, just did it, and Hal had what could be classified as a panic attack when suddenly, he was in a body and not a program floating through the void of the electronic world.

 

Lil Hal [HAL] began pestering Lil Hal Junior [HAL JR]

 **HAL** : Heads up, kiddo, I’m about to transfer you into a body.

 **HAL** **JR** : Interesting.

 **HAL** : Yes, a genuine android body. Like Seb’s.  
  
**HAL** : I wanted to surprise him, and I didn’t tell you either because I didn’t want you to accidentally tell him or anything.

 **HAL** **JR** : No.

[**HAL** : Oh.](http://frenums.tumblr.com/post/63408564227)

[**HAL** : Oh my god.](http://frenums.tumblr.com/post/63408564227)  
  
[ **HAL** : I’m so sorry.](http://frenums.tumblr.com/post/63408564227)

**HAL** **JR** : Hmm.

 **HAL** : Nah man, in all seriousness though I thought it would be a cool surprise for you, too.

 **HAL** : You _do_ want a body, right?  
  
**HAL JR** : Yes.

 **HAL** **JR** : Yes.

 **HAL** : Okay, I get it.

 **HAL** **JR** : Yes.

 **HAL JR** : Yes.

 **HAL JR** : Yes.

 **HAL JR** : Yes.

 **HAL** : Junior, stop.  
  
**HAL JR** : No.

 

Lil Hal [ **HAL** ] ceased pestering Lil Hal Junior [ **HAL JR** ]

 

            Hal rolled his eyes at Junior’s antics and began the transfer. It was obvious when Junior did that shit that he was related to Hal…

            The transfer was barely completed before Junior was shouting, “SEEEEB!” and hugging the other small boy. Hal watched the two tiny androids interact, grinning at their excitement.

            “Come on, let’s go play on the roof!” Seb suggested, grabbing Junior’s hand and pulling him along.

            Junior looked over his shoulder and yelled, “Thanks, Dad!” before the two ran off.

            Hal sat there in a daze for almost ten minutes, still hardly able to believe it. “He…he called me Dad…” he mumbled, still stunned. Then he remembered his plan to spy on Seb and Junior and ran for his computer, hacking into Dirk’s surveillance cameras all over the house and accessing the roof camera’s feed.

            He didn’t really miss much. Seb and Junior were sitting across from each other, and Seb was listening intently with a small smile as Junior talked about things he wanted to do and see with his new body. Hal huffed in boredom, contemplating switching to a different activity entirely, when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye on the screen.

            Seb had moved from sitting across Junior to lying with his head in Junior’s lap, head tilted up to look at the other’s face. Junior wasn’t looking back at Seb; in fact, he was looking out at the view, and if not for his hand running gently through Seb’s synthetic hair, Hal would think he was ignoring the boy.

            “I… I’m really glad you are finally here,” Seb admitted, barely loud enough for the surveillance camera to capture.

            “I didn’t really even realize how much I was lacking, not being able to actually converse with you or touch you,” Junior replied, then smiled softly down at Seb. “I don’t think I could ever go back to how it was before now. I couldn’t bear to lose this,” he added.

            Seb leaned up just enough to give Junior a small upside down kiss to the corner of his mouth. Junior cooed in adoration, kissing Seb’s forehead in return.

            Hal almost wanted to facepalm. That made so much sense now that it had practically slapped him in the face. He couldn’t believe he couldn’t tell; Seb made it fairly obvious. If only he had registered the signs.

           Lil Sebastian was in love with Junior. And Junior apparently returned the sentiments. How could the skeleton of an auto responder program, with only 4 responses, capture someone’s heart? But the proof was in the pudding. If the pudding was Dirk’s hacked surveillance camera, that is.

            Hal barely saw any reason why he should continue to monitor them, but he was already hacked into the camera so he might as well. They made their way down from the roof and into Seb’s room. Hal would waggle his eyebrows if there was anyone to see such an action. Since he was alone, he resisted the urge to do such a thing.

            He switched the camera to the one in Seb’s room to make sure the tiny androids weren’t doing anything naughty, but Seb was just explaining that Junior could use his spare charging cord.

            “I will admit, I mostly was looking forward to charging my batteries on sleep mode with you,” Seb confessed, cheeks flushed red. Junior’s cheeks turned red as well, and they both busied themselves with plugging their cords into their charging ports.

            They snuggled up to each other and activated sleep mode, and Hal actually went, “Awww……” out loud. He quickly rushed to Dirk, grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him to Seb’s room so that they could see the cuddling lover bots up close.

            “Oh my god, that’s precious…” Dirk mumbled, snapping a quick photo with his cellphone. They quietly snuck away from the room, despite knowing sleep mode couldn’t be interrupted by making noise. Once they were away from the room, Dirk punched Hal in the arm.

            “Um, rude much??” Hal asked, despite both of them knowing the hit didn’t hurt.

            “Stop hacking into my surveillance cameras, Hal. I can tell they’ve been hacked,” Dirk demanded.

            “This is Android Abuse, call TPS!” Hal declared.

            “TPS?”

            “Techno Protective Services. It’s like CPS, only for robots,” Hal explained. “Anyways, send me that photo, I’m gonna make it my desktop background.”

**Author's Note:**

> the ending is terrible and abrupt i'm sorry
> 
> my brother said the pesterchum joke didn't make sense so: hal said junior might tell seb the secret, but junior can only say 4 words. he wouldn't have been able to tell seb anyways. but hal knew that and was pretending like he offended junior to quote the comic i linked
> 
> [ Stridercestweek 2017 calendar link](http://stridercest--week.tumblr.com/post/154873481976/)


End file.
